Contrasts

Today I'm headed up to Sacramento.  It'll be my first time back since my "farewell events" at The GreenHouse so I'm a mixed bag of emotions this morning.    

I've got three things on the agenda.  First, a late lunch with this guy.  I'm pretty excited.  He invited me to join him at "his restaurant" (where he works).  Should be a fun time of catching up and sharing. 

Second, a meeting to discuss how to help this young woman.   A small team of us will be gathering with her mom this afternoon to discuss how to come around and support this teenager who is struggling with all areas of life and rapidly spiraling downward.  We'll also discuss how to support the entire family through an ugly eviction process (the eviction is the result of the teen's behavior).  If you are the praying type, please pray for this young woman, her family, and the team of people who will be meeting today.  God has done miracles in this family before and we are praying He does one again.  

 

 And finally, tonight I will be going to Grant High School to celebrate the graduation of two very special young woman, Lola and Crystal (Lola is pictured below).  I've known them both since they were itty bitties so we have loads of memories together.  I love them to pieces and couldn't be more proud.  In the fall, Lola will be starting at Sacramento State University!  In the entire time I've been at The GreenHouse, I know of only ONE other student that went directly from high school into a four year university.  It's a really, really big deal.  Crystal will also be going to college in the fall, at American River College.  And third senior from the GH, Johanna, will be graduating tonight, too, across town at a different high school.  Sadly I will have to miss that one.  But she too, will be going on to junior college in fall.  Three cheers for three young woman finishing high school and going on to college!       

Such stark contrasts.  My mind is reeling about all of the factors that go into a young person's life - some have factors in their lives that seem to hinder them from ever "making it."  Others have factors that help to ensure that they will be okay.  Family structure and cohesion, immigration status, resiliency, addictions, job stability, housing, education, health, friends, mentors, opportunities, faith.  So many factors.  Praying that Hope wins this time around for all of these young people. 

Lucky, Lucky Boys

Our fun hike at Tilden Park on Mother's Day

Steve, Nicolas, and Riley having special time together at Wednesday's day game.  Getting picked up from school early to play hooky with your dad and sit behind home plate is pretty darn exciting.

Jonah's turn for special time with Daddy - his first concert!  On Thursday night they saw Of Monsters and Men at the Fox Theater in Oakland.  Getting home at 10:30pm on a school night because you're at a rock-and-roll concert makes you feel like one cool kid.

Unexpected Gifts

It's been three weeks since the new Executive Director started at The GreenHouse.  We've been working very hard trying to transfer volumes of information from my brain to his.  It's a lot of ground to cover.  Add to that all of the emotions that go along with leaving, loooong days of commuting up to Sacramento, and trying to work through issues of pride, identity, reputation, control, and jealousy (doesn't that sound fun?!) and you'll understand why I've been a wee bit tired lately.

Overall though, the transition has gone really smoothly so far.  Most days have been a-ok, but there have been a few that have been harder for me (emotionally) than others.  Today was one of the harder days.  The board and staff of The GreenHouse left today for their retreat up in Lake Tahoe.  It's really, really weird for me to not be going with them.

I have full confidence in our team and their ability to connect, learn, and plan really well this weekend.  Still, it's hard to not be there with them.   

In an effort to keep myself from working on GreenHouse stuff for too long today (I'm supposed to be tapering off, but I really don't know how to stop working!) and to try to get my mind off the retreat, I forced myself into my car this afternoon at around 2:00, one hour before I needed to pick the boys up from school.  I had no idea where I was going.  I just knew that I needed to get out and do some form of self-care (ie: not cleaning my house or sitting at a computer).  I started to drive one way and then the next and eventually ended up at Mills College, a beautiful oasis not far from my house.  I figured I'd take a quick walk around the campus and try to clear my head. 

As soon as I got out of the car, I saw a sign that read, "Come walk our Labyrinth," with an arrow pointing where to go.

Okay!  (Um, God, is that you?  Thanks for being so clear with the sign and the arrow!)   

I walked up a short path and found a lovely chapel with a beautiful little labyrinth just outside.  What a treasure to find!

 
While I walked toward the center of the labyrinth I tried to let go of some of the icky feelings I'd been having today.  When I reached the center of the labyrinth, I paused there for a moment and felt the very gentle breeze that was blowing.  It felt like God was wrapping me up in his arms and giving me a hug, letting me know that I wasn't alone and that everything was going to be alright. 

While walking out of the labyrinth, I focused on being open to the new opportunities that God has waiting for me in my new community.   

I have a feeling I'm going to spent a lot of time in this special spot next month.  (I'm naming May my "Healing Month.")

Later tonight, we had another wonderful and unexpected gift.  The weather was just perfect today in Oakland and I was itching to be outside so we picked up some burritos from our local taqueria and headed-up to the Oakland Hills for a picnic dinner.  The park we planned to go to was closed, so off we went on an adventure to find a new place where we could eat and play.  We found a truly gorgeous spot with a perfect hiking trail.  It was just the fun and adventure I needed tonight with my family. 

Put these three in nature and their imaginations run wild!  They were Explorers fighting off all kinds of bad guys with their swords. 

Here's hoping you are opening your eyes this weekend to the unexpected gifts that are just waiting to be discovered. 

Flu and Other News

After

16 consecutive days of treating at least one child with a fever,

12 combined school absences

4 bottles of children’s ibuprofen consumed, 

3 co-pays at the doctor,
1 prescription for amoxicillin,

loads of packets of Emergen-C consumed by yours truly,

and gobs of stress from trying to balance work and home,  

finally (crossing fingers),
we are all done with the flu.
Ironically, this was the first year we got flu shots for the boys. 
They were NOT-SO-EFFECTIVE for us.   

In other news...

Sorry for the completely vague blog post about Jonah (see previous post).  I got some concerned emails and texts from people wondering if we were okay.  Thank you!  Yes, we are fine.  I just needed to process a really hard day and writing a quick and short blog post seemed like a good way for me to do that.  I’ll try to remember that in addition to this being a place for me to process and record life, it’s also a place for friends and family to stay connected.  Hard to stay connected when you have no idea what I’m writing about, right?

So about that.  Quick version is this:  Jonah had been having many, many unsuccessful days at school for several months.  We had tried everything we could think of to make it better.  We’d given it (his classroom, his teacher) many chances.  But it just wasn’t getting better and we felt that it probably wouldn’t change if he stayed in that situation.  So we made the very hard decision (after many conferences with teacher and principal) that we should switch him to a different class.  I had misread Jonah’s cues and thought he was going to be just fine with switching classrooms.  I was wrong.  It ended up being very hard for him.  He was really, really sad about leaving his teacher and his friends.  I think there was probably some leftover sadness from moving last fall mixed in there, too.  He cried a lot about it, which then made me cry.  Steve and I knew we had made the right decision.  It just was hard for me to see Jonah so upset by it.  I tried to teach Jonah that sometimes in life, we have to go through hard things.  But we shouldn’t be scared of them.  We need to have courage and walk right through the middle of the hard things.  When we are in the middle of the hard things, we can’t see what’s on the other side.  But, we can take comfort in knowing that if we are brave and we keep walking, there is hope just on the other side.  (And by the way, his new class and his new teacher are about 1000 times better.  We are very thankful).   

Some of you may also be wondering about the hiring process at The GreenHouse.  We did in fact offer the ED position to the person I alluded to in an earlier post, and he accepted.  His name is Brian Heller de Leon and he will start April 1^st.  In a word, Brian is wonderful.  He is a very clear answer to prayer.  You always hope that God is going to be clear and that he will answer your prayers.  But you never know, right?  Sometimes you pray and pray and pray and you still don’t know what God is saying.  I’m incredibly thankful that God was clear on this.  My faith has been strengthened so much during this process.  I know that God is REAL because I’ve seen Him at work through this process.  I know that He is LOVING and KIND and GENTLE because He has been all of those things to me.  He has given me just the right amount of time to keep working at the GH after my move so that I’d be more able to let go.  He’s provided a person that I have full confidence in and someone who will be kind and gentle in our interactions.  He’s allowed me to stay on and complete, or nearly complete, a project that I’ve been working on for five years (our Clubhouse renovation).  He knows me and He loves me.  WOW! 

There are still swelling waves of sadness that hit me when I think about leaving The GreenHouse.  But each day, it's getting a little better.  I wrote my farewell letter to our supporters last week (it went out in the mail today) and while it was hard to write, it was another important step in the grieving/healing process.  I now know when my last day at the GH will be (April 24) and when I will get to say my good-byes during some farewell events (May 3 and 5).  All of that helps.  There aren’t as many unknowns anymore. 

There are other things, too, that are making this seem like a particularly full season.  There's Steve's avalanche of work this past month that's keeping him up til the wee hours of the morning for nights on end. There's my work overseeing a major construction project at The GreenHouse (it's pitfalls and successes), fundraising for a capital campaign, and finding time for my regular job duties as well.  And there's the sadness, shock, and confusion surrounding the loss of teenager who held a special place in my heart and who was just way too beautiful, talented, kind, and young to die.

Is this too much for one person to carry?  Yes.  Trust me.  I tried last week to control all the madness in my own strength and I failed miserably.  Was I ever intended to carry the load?  No.  That's why God created community.  Right on time, community has stepped in to help carry the load, send an encouraging email or text, pray for our family, remind me to keep my eyes fixed on Jesus when I've lost my way.     

Thanks for being part of our community.  We're especially thankful for you during the ups and downs of this season of change.   

Dear Jonah,

On the other side of hard is hope.  

If we are brave and push through the hard, we can get to the hope.   

Today was a hard day - for you and for me.  But, we were brave!  And you know what?  Tomorrow is a new day.  Hope is on the way.

Tonight, I’m thankful that we are on the other side of a hard day.  I'm thankful for your daddy, who is wise and strong when I’m fearful and weak.  I'm thankful for friends who listen, care and pray for our family.  I'm thankful for the courage that I saw in you today.

All my love son,

Mommy 

Playdate

On Sunday afternoon, we invited two friends from school to come over and play. Nicolas and Riley had been begging me for weeks to set-up a playdate with their buddy Jaelyn.  Meanwhile Jonah had been having a couple of really rough days (weeks?) socially so it seemed like a good time for him to invite someone over as well.  He chose Michael.   

Bey blades, XBOX, and the trampoline made for some big smiles and a really fun afternoon.  For Jonah, especially, it was an important step in continuing to adjust to life in Oakland.

How I got them to stop jumping long enough to snap a photo, I have no idea! 

On another note, if you are wondering about an update from my last post, there's no news to share yet.  The board did decide to offer the position to the candidate.  The candidate is taking the week to pray and decide.  We'll know more next week.  Keep praying!  I'll share lots more about that when it's time.    
 

Big, Big Day

In the morning, I'll be making my weekly trek up to Sacramento to work at The GreenHouse.  As usual, it will be a really long day, jam-packed with meetings and zooming from one thing to the next.  By tomorrow night I'll be wiped out, driving back to Oakland with an empty stomach from having skipped a meal or two, yet with a very full heart from time spent with my loved ones.

While it seems like all of my days up there lately are "big days," tomorrow seems like it will be a particularly big, big day.

See, tomorrow night is our monthly board meeting.  And at that meeting, our Executive Director Search Committee is going to make a recommendation to move forward on a candidate for my position (a candidate that we all really love). 

Of course, we still have to vote tomorrow night.  And then make an offer.  And then that person needs to decide whether or not to accept.   So, I may be jumping the gun. 

But I sense that my time as Executive Director of the GreenHouse is nearly up.

And while I am doing so.much.better with all of this than I was one year ago, six months ago, two months ago, I can still feel them.  The tears.  They are right there.  I can feel them welling up even as I type this.

They were there earlier today, too, while typing an email to someone on our staff about something totally unrelated.  They sneak up on me at unexpected times.

So while I am filled with the peace and grace of Jesus throughout this process, I am also aware that the grieving has only just begun.

I would appreciate your prayers tomorrow and in the coming weeks and months.
XOXO