Just the Right Amount of Time

There were 6 months between the day we accepted Steve's job offer in San Francisco and the day we loaded up the moving truck and drove away from our community.  I think God knew we need that much time to grieve, process, pray, narrow down neighborhoods, and prepare our family to move to Oakland.

Next, there were 8 months between the day that we moved to Oakland and the day Brian started as the new ED of The GreenHouse.  I think God knew that I needed that much time for my very raw heart to be able to hand over such a special gift.  It was such a slow and gentle loosening.   

Then, there were 9 months between Brian's first day at The GreenHouse and my first day at Aspire Public Schools.  I think God knew that I needed that much time and space to heal before I could open my heart up to something new.  I think He also knew that The GreenHouse needed me to be available to answer questions and provide support any day of the week by phone, text, email, or in person.  What a gift it was to have that time and to be able to share it so freely with the people and the organization that I love so dearly!   

So, it was almost 2 years exactly from the time I knew I'd be leaving the GH to the time I started a new job in Oakland. 

It was just the right amount of time.

And, you know what?  God provided just the right job, too.

When I began to think about going back to work, I knew I wanted three things: 1.) I only wanted to work two days a week so that I could maintain some semblance of order around our household.  2.) I wanted to work at a school (in Oakland) so I could have summers off with the boys.  3.) I didn't want to start until January.

Well, the first job I applied for, I got.  And it met all of those criteria.  What's more, it's in my very neighborhood of Oakland, exactly one mile from my house.  If you know me, which you do, you know how much I value neighborhood.   

I am now a Speech and Language Pathologist at ERES Academy, a charter school within the Aspire Public Schools system (a system of charter schools that operates in low-income neighborhoods).  ERES Academy is sweet little K-8th school in which 94% of its students are Hispanic and 94% of its students are on free and reduced lunch.  In so many ways, it feels like home.  I'm really enjoying all of my students and the satisfaction that comes with teaching.  (I also really like working.)     

I know I shouldn't be surprised, but I am.  God is STILL, two years later, giving me a giant hug throughout this whole transition. I can hear Him saying, "I know this is so hard for you.  But, don't worry.  I'm going to take care of you - again and again and again - so that you know that I am real and I love you."   

Unexpected Gifts

It's been three weeks since the new Executive Director started at The GreenHouse.  We've been working very hard trying to transfer volumes of information from my brain to his.  It's a lot of ground to cover.  Add to that all of the emotions that go along with leaving, loooong days of commuting up to Sacramento, and trying to work through issues of pride, identity, reputation, control, and jealousy (doesn't that sound fun?!) and you'll understand why I've been a wee bit tired lately.

Overall though, the transition has gone really smoothly so far.  Most days have been a-ok, but there have been a few that have been harder for me (emotionally) than others.  Today was one of the harder days.  The board and staff of The GreenHouse left today for their retreat up in Lake Tahoe.  It's really, really weird for me to not be going with them.

I have full confidence in our team and their ability to connect, learn, and plan really well this weekend.  Still, it's hard to not be there with them.   

In an effort to keep myself from working on GreenHouse stuff for too long today (I'm supposed to be tapering off, but I really don't know how to stop working!) and to try to get my mind off the retreat, I forced myself into my car this afternoon at around 2:00, one hour before I needed to pick the boys up from school.  I had no idea where I was going.  I just knew that I needed to get out and do some form of self-care (ie: not cleaning my house or sitting at a computer).  I started to drive one way and then the next and eventually ended up at Mills College, a beautiful oasis not far from my house.  I figured I'd take a quick walk around the campus and try to clear my head. 

As soon as I got out of the car, I saw a sign that read, "Come walk our Labyrinth," with an arrow pointing where to go.

Okay!  (Um, God, is that you?  Thanks for being so clear with the sign and the arrow!)   

I walked up a short path and found a lovely chapel with a beautiful little labyrinth just outside.  What a treasure to find!

 
While I walked toward the center of the labyrinth I tried to let go of some of the icky feelings I'd been having today.  When I reached the center of the labyrinth, I paused there for a moment and felt the very gentle breeze that was blowing.  It felt like God was wrapping me up in his arms and giving me a hug, letting me know that I wasn't alone and that everything was going to be alright. 

While walking out of the labyrinth, I focused on being open to the new opportunities that God has waiting for me in my new community.   

I have a feeling I'm going to spent a lot of time in this special spot next month.  (I'm naming May my "Healing Month.")

Later tonight, we had another wonderful and unexpected gift.  The weather was just perfect today in Oakland and I was itching to be outside so we picked up some burritos from our local taqueria and headed-up to the Oakland Hills for a picnic dinner.  The park we planned to go to was closed, so off we went on an adventure to find a new place where we could eat and play.  We found a truly gorgeous spot with a perfect hiking trail.  It was just the fun and adventure I needed tonight with my family. 

Put these three in nature and their imaginations run wild!  They were Explorers fighting off all kinds of bad guys with their swords. 

Here's hoping you are opening your eyes this weekend to the unexpected gifts that are just waiting to be discovered. 

Flu and Other News

After

16 consecutive days of treating at least one child with a fever,

12 combined school absences

4 bottles of children’s ibuprofen consumed, 

3 co-pays at the doctor,
1 prescription for amoxicillin,

loads of packets of Emergen-C consumed by yours truly,

and gobs of stress from trying to balance work and home,  

finally (crossing fingers),
we are all done with the flu.
Ironically, this was the first year we got flu shots for the boys. 
They were NOT-SO-EFFECTIVE for us.   

In other news...

Sorry for the completely vague blog post about Jonah (see previous post).  I got some concerned emails and texts from people wondering if we were okay.  Thank you!  Yes, we are fine.  I just needed to process a really hard day and writing a quick and short blog post seemed like a good way for me to do that.  I’ll try to remember that in addition to this being a place for me to process and record life, it’s also a place for friends and family to stay connected.  Hard to stay connected when you have no idea what I’m writing about, right?

So about that.  Quick version is this:  Jonah had been having many, many unsuccessful days at school for several months.  We had tried everything we could think of to make it better.  We’d given it (his classroom, his teacher) many chances.  But it just wasn’t getting better and we felt that it probably wouldn’t change if he stayed in that situation.  So we made the very hard decision (after many conferences with teacher and principal) that we should switch him to a different class.  I had misread Jonah’s cues and thought he was going to be just fine with switching classrooms.  I was wrong.  It ended up being very hard for him.  He was really, really sad about leaving his teacher and his friends.  I think there was probably some leftover sadness from moving last fall mixed in there, too.  He cried a lot about it, which then made me cry.  Steve and I knew we had made the right decision.  It just was hard for me to see Jonah so upset by it.  I tried to teach Jonah that sometimes in life, we have to go through hard things.  But we shouldn’t be scared of them.  We need to have courage and walk right through the middle of the hard things.  When we are in the middle of the hard things, we can’t see what’s on the other side.  But, we can take comfort in knowing that if we are brave and we keep walking, there is hope just on the other side.  (And by the way, his new class and his new teacher are about 1000 times better.  We are very thankful).   

Some of you may also be wondering about the hiring process at The GreenHouse.  We did in fact offer the ED position to the person I alluded to in an earlier post, and he accepted.  His name is Brian Heller de Leon and he will start April 1^st.  In a word, Brian is wonderful.  He is a very clear answer to prayer.  You always hope that God is going to be clear and that he will answer your prayers.  But you never know, right?  Sometimes you pray and pray and pray and you still don’t know what God is saying.  I’m incredibly thankful that God was clear on this.  My faith has been strengthened so much during this process.  I know that God is REAL because I’ve seen Him at work through this process.  I know that He is LOVING and KIND and GENTLE because He has been all of those things to me.  He has given me just the right amount of time to keep working at the GH after my move so that I’d be more able to let go.  He’s provided a person that I have full confidence in and someone who will be kind and gentle in our interactions.  He’s allowed me to stay on and complete, or nearly complete, a project that I’ve been working on for five years (our Clubhouse renovation).  He knows me and He loves me.  WOW! 

There are still swelling waves of sadness that hit me when I think about leaving The GreenHouse.  But each day, it's getting a little better.  I wrote my farewell letter to our supporters last week (it went out in the mail today) and while it was hard to write, it was another important step in the grieving/healing process.  I now know when my last day at the GH will be (April 24) and when I will get to say my good-byes during some farewell events (May 3 and 5).  All of that helps.  There aren’t as many unknowns anymore. 

There are other things, too, that are making this seem like a particularly full season.  There's Steve's avalanche of work this past month that's keeping him up til the wee hours of the morning for nights on end. There's my work overseeing a major construction project at The GreenHouse (it's pitfalls and successes), fundraising for a capital campaign, and finding time for my regular job duties as well.  And there's the sadness, shock, and confusion surrounding the loss of teenager who held a special place in my heart and who was just way too beautiful, talented, kind, and young to die.

Is this too much for one person to carry?  Yes.  Trust me.  I tried last week to control all the madness in my own strength and I failed miserably.  Was I ever intended to carry the load?  No.  That's why God created community.  Right on time, community has stepped in to help carry the load, send an encouraging email or text, pray for our family, remind me to keep my eyes fixed on Jesus when I've lost my way.     

Thanks for being part of our community.  We're especially thankful for you during the ups and downs of this season of change.   

Playdate

On Sunday afternoon, we invited two friends from school to come over and play. Nicolas and Riley had been begging me for weeks to set-up a playdate with their buddy Jaelyn.  Meanwhile Jonah had been having a couple of really rough days (weeks?) socially so it seemed like a good time for him to invite someone over as well.  He chose Michael.   

Bey blades, XBOX, and the trampoline made for some big smiles and a really fun afternoon.  For Jonah, especially, it was an important step in continuing to adjust to life in Oakland.

How I got them to stop jumping long enough to snap a photo, I have no idea! 

On another note, if you are wondering about an update from my last post, there's no news to share yet.  The board did decide to offer the position to the candidate.  The candidate is taking the week to pray and decide.  We'll know more next week.  Keep praying!  I'll share lots more about that when it's time.    
 

Big, Big Day

In the morning, I'll be making my weekly trek up to Sacramento to work at The GreenHouse.  As usual, it will be a really long day, jam-packed with meetings and zooming from one thing to the next.  By tomorrow night I'll be wiped out, driving back to Oakland with an empty stomach from having skipped a meal or two, yet with a very full heart from time spent with my loved ones.

While it seems like all of my days up there lately are "big days," tomorrow seems like it will be a particularly big, big day.

See, tomorrow night is our monthly board meeting.  And at that meeting, our Executive Director Search Committee is going to make a recommendation to move forward on a candidate for my position (a candidate that we all really love). 

Of course, we still have to vote tomorrow night.  And then make an offer.  And then that person needs to decide whether or not to accept.   So, I may be jumping the gun. 

But I sense that my time as Executive Director of the GreenHouse is nearly up.

And while I am doing so.much.better with all of this than I was one year ago, six months ago, two months ago, I can still feel them.  The tears.  They are right there.  I can feel them welling up even as I type this.

They were there earlier today, too, while typing an email to someone on our staff about something totally unrelated.  They sneak up on me at unexpected times.

So while I am filled with the peace and grace of Jesus throughout this process, I am also aware that the grieving has only just begun.

I would appreciate your prayers tomorrow and in the coming weeks and months.
XOXO 

REWIND 1: Moving with Friends Makes Everything Better

This summer was a little crazier than normal with trying to find a place to live and all.  Nearly all of our free time in the evenings was spent on ziprealty.com looking at pictures of houses and all of our free time on the weekends was spent driving to the Bay Area to look at the houses in person.  Needless to say, there wasn't a whole lot of time for blogging.

However, someday I will turn this blog into one of those neat little books that you can have printed and it will become the only scrapbook my family will ever know. So now that life has slowed down a little (and we have internet and I have a working computer), I want to go back and fill in the gaps of things that didn't get documented this summer.  This is the first of a few posts that will be called "REWIND," as in...going back a little in time.

We're rewinding to four weeks ago - when it was time to move from our beloved Sacramento to our new city of Oakland.

The night before our move, we had a little send-off for the kids at Big Spoon Yogurt, followed by some running around at Land Park.  It was a perfect evening and it turns out, I needed it just as much as the kids did, if not more.  It encouraged me to have so many of our special people there and it filled my cup in preparation for the following day, which was filled with tremendous sadness for me.   


Love these peeps so much!
 (Wish we could photoshop in Roy, Sarah, and Isaiah who were also there, but left before the photo)

There were others too who couldn't make it that night but who helped us in the days leading up to the move.  Heather watched my boys while I packed one morning and Darcy/Duane came to help us pack just before we left for Big Spoon. 

Our move day was filled with exhaustion and tears.  At one point, I was crying so hard in the fetal position on our bed that Steve turned on the shower, lifted me up off the bed, and put me in there.  There's something about a good cry in the shower that helps to get all of the grief out.  Though, come to think of it, I cried several more times after that, just not quite as hard.

Our move included a four-day stopover in a vacation rental so that we could be in Oakland for the kids' first day of school, even though our house wasn't available until that Thursday.  What a tremendous blessing in disguise that was.  Four days of rest.  In limbo.  Unable to unpack a single thing. 

That Thursday morning, I drove up to Sacramento to meet the moving truck while Steve went to work and the boys went to school.  More hard work.  More exhaustion.  But, I got wind in my sails from my super amazing friend Rose, who came to help me load and clean that day.  We ate lunch together on the floor of my vacant house before she sent me off on the road to Oakland. 

When we got to Oakland, we were greeted with a house full of friends, ready to help unload - friends from long ago who were ready to welcome us into their Bay Area community.  With the help of the movers and friends, we unloaded everything in just two hours.  We all slept very soundly that night (minus our two goldfish who did not survive the move). 

Two days after we moved into our new home, Rose came to Oakland and spent the weekend with me while our husbands were camping with our kids.  We did all of our favorite things - massages, pedis, a trip to the beach, eating out, watching a movie, talking, and even a few tears here and there.  When we felt like it, we unpacked a box or two.  It was so much fun and so very special.  I've decided that everyone should have a weekend like that two days after they move!

 

Last weekend, our Oakland friends came over to help Steve set-up the trampoline.  The play structure that was left here needed to be moved over a few feet so that the trampoline would fit. It was kind of like an old fashioned barn raising with all hands on deck!  They just picked up that thing and scooted it over.  Before long, they were setting up the trampoline as well.  Granted, it was a little crazy with all the munchkins running around with tools everywhere, but also heartwarming to have community with us every step of the way.

We are incredibly thankful for friends - old, new, and everything in between. They are little kisses from God, gifts that make life so much sweeter. 

Things are Moving Right Along

At long last, Cigna has approved medication for Jonah.  Our first shipment in six months will arrive on our front porch tomorrow.  Even more exciting, our copay will be just $35 per month!  Considering we used to pay $150 per month, and before that we paid $300 per month, $35 seems almost too good to be true.

On the other hand, I'm not looking forward to getting back into the routine of doing Jonah's shot every night.  History tells me that we will have several weeks of him crying every night and us pinning him down to give him the shot.  But I know that eventually he'll get used to it and before long, he'll be taking shots like a champ once again.   I'm hoping that being a little older this time will help him to cope. 

In other news, we found renters for our home in Sac.  Yay!  It's a husband, wife, and one-year-old son moving from the Bay Area to Sacramento (of course).  They will be moving in this weekend.  We are so thankful to have found them.

We are continuing to get settled in our new home in Oakland.  Our house is feeling more and more like our home.  I'll post a few pics soon.   

This past weekend we had loads of good family time.  On Saturday night, we instituted "Date Night with Mommy and Daddy," something that we've done a little of in the past, but want to do more of in the future to give our kids one-on-one time with a parent.  Since there are three of them and two of us, we will rotate who gets to be alone with a parent.  This time around, Jonah and I had dinner at Pizzaiolo where they have scrumptious wood-fired pizza and bocce ball on the back patio.  Steve, Nicolas, and Riley tried out Homeroom, a restaurant dedicated to macaroni and cheese- mmm!  After dinner, we all met up for dessert at Fentons. 

Bocce Ball on the patio at Pizzaiolo with my date

On Sunday, the boys were all hacking up lungs from a cold they caught last week.  We decided not to infect other kids in an enclosed Sunday School room, so instead of going to church we ventured outside and spent the day at Fairlyand, a fun little theme park similar to Fairytale Town in Sacramento. 

 
And on Sunday night, the strangest thing happened!  The clouds did not roll in at night!  It was a beautiful and warm (well for Bay Area standards) night here in Oakland.  So, Steve and I had a little date night of our own on our front patio - a nice little spot where we can look up to the twinkling lights of the Oakland hills and enjoy cookies and conversation after the kids have gone to bed.   

 

 

Moved In

Just a quick post to say that we are moved in and getting settled in Oakland.   Still some boxes and plenty left to do to get things the way we want them, but overall, we are doing well. 

It's amazing how well our rental house is working out.  It's not at all what we were looking for.  But as it turns out, it's just what we needed.  It's tricky how God does that. 

The boys love their new school.  Steve loves his much-shorter commute.  And I am loving playdates with old and dear friends.  Now if I could just find our phones and our iron.   

I'm so behind with my blogging that it feels a little paralyzing.  So, I'll just start with this.  A fun video to give you a glimpse of our everyday life.  MJ blasting on the CD player in Jonah's room.  Five-year-old neighbor, EJ, coming over every afternoon to play.  Jonah trying to moonwalk.  Little boys playing LEGOs on the floor.  New fish swimming around the fish tank.  Bedrooms mostly put together, but not quite all the way.   



In other news:
I've made the switch to working from home and commuting up once a week to work at The GreenHouse.  So far, it's working out just fine.  We are still searching for a new Executive Director - another area to trust God for.

This weekend, we will hopefully finish painting/fixing the inside of our Sacramento house as we get it ready to rent.  We'd like to have renters in place by October 1st.  Thankfully, my dad found a room to rent so he's all set. 

Jonah has a four-hour test on Monday where they'll draw blood every 30 minutes.  He'll have an IV and will need to be still for that whole time.  He'll also be fasting so that's going to be a challenge.

Seems like everyday is a new adventure around here. 

  

Update

Life is moving at the speed of light these days so I haven't had much time to breathe, must less communicate with many others.  If you are confused, here's our updates:

1.  We still don't have medicine for Jonah.  There was scheduled "peer-to-peer review" of Jonah's case on Friday (our doctor was scheduled to talk by phone to Cigna's doctor).  The Cigna doctor never called our doctor during the scheduled time and of course she didn't know which of the thousand 800 numbers at Cigna she was supposed to call to get ahold of them.  So unbelievable.

2.  We still don't have a house to move to.  We've tried and tried and tried.  See post from earlier today for further explanation.   

3.  All three boys got into the school we were hoping they'd get into - Urban Montessori School in Oakland.  It's one big way that I can feel God taking care of us during this big transition.  I could write whole post about it...so I probably will...someday.

4.  We've decided that we will start our kids at Urban Montessori on the first day of school - August 27th no matter what.  We feel a lot of peace about this decision. 

5.  Yes, refer to #2.  We have a school, but not a house.  No, I have no idea where we will be sleeping that night.  But, it's time to move.  So move in 2 weeks, we shall.

6.  We are staycationing (house-sitting) in Oakland right now.  We will be back in Sacramento on Wednesday.  From there, it will be lots of packing.

7.  I will continue on in my role as ED of The GreenHouse through October - or until we find someone to fill the position.  I am thankful that I can move without saying "farewell" just yet.  Feels more like a loosening, than a tearing.  While working in that capacity, I will work remotely (from Oakland) for much of the time and will commute up to Sac once a week. 

There, now you are all up-to-speed!